The Scarsdale Olympics

Summer's almost over...waaah! As usual, it went by faster than the Bronx River Parkway floods after a drizzle. Do you feel like you missed out on something special this season? No, not your annual trip to Walter's Hot Dog Stand (check!), or bin-diving at the Scarsdale Village Sidewalk Sale (check!) or sending the kids to sleepaway camp (five-figure check!).

We're talking about the Olympics. There were none this summer--guess all those world-class athletes were sitting by a cabana drinking mojitos like the rest of us yobs. But fear not, for, while there were no Summer Olympics, something even better has begun: The Scarsdale Olympics!

Now that we're all back in town, let's roll up our sleeves and try our hand at any or all of these ten events. The winners get a gold med...well, actually, they get diddly. But, as they like to say at our kids' rec games, if you had fun, you won!

EVENT 1: THE 'HIGH' JUMP – Can you act more startled and outraged than anyone else in town if you're mistaken by the paparazzi as Pot Mom? Bonus points (and extra humiliation) if you're a dude.

EVENT 2: THE 20-METER DASH – Can you run backwards past 20 parking meters in Scarsdale Village until you reach your own--before you get a $25 ticket for forgetting to put in your dime? (Losers' ritual: Walk angrily past signs saying "SUPPORT YOUR VILLAGE—SHOP LOCAL," reflecting how your ticket could've paid half your annual Amazon Prime membership.)

EVENT 3: ARCHERY – Can you hit Target on Saturday morning before the City Center parking lot is full?

EVENT 4: WRESTLING – Once inside Target, can you snatch the last sale pack of Bounty towels from a fellow shopper's grasping hands?

EVENT 5: UNEVEN BARS – Can you complain that Scarsdale has fewer cool drinking holes than White Plains without sounding like a whiny hipster wannabe?

EVENT 6: CURLING – Can your blow-dry from Plush withstand your steam-table run to C-Town afterwards?

EVENT 7: VAULTING – After paying your taxes, do you have anything more valuable than your old Million Dollar Man Pez dispenser to stash in your safety-deposit box at Chase?

EVENT 8: DRESSAGE – Can you pass off your $15 Payless pumps as Louboutins at Back-to-School Night?

EVENT 9: DECAFALON – After arriving at the train station too late to wait in line at Starbucks, can you refrain from strangling the fellow Metro-North passenger who's yammering into his iPhone?

EVENT 10: TORCH RELAY – Can you play it cool when someone informs you that your old girlfriend's moved back to town, just like you and half the class of 1993 did?

Deborah Skolnik is Content Director for Myron Manufacturing, a large business-gifts firm headquartered in Maywood, New Jersey, and writes frequently for major magazines.