Early Decision: A Mother's Point of View

Anyone out there with a high school senior knows that this is the week before early decisions are announced by the majority of schools that offer that choice to prospective students. What is early decision? It is the chance for a high school senior to apply early to their number one choice college and get a decision by December 15th. The catch is that it is a binding contract; if you are accepted early decision, you must attend that college, no second guesses, no second thoughts, no change of mind permitted. The admissions officer that my daughter and I saw when we visited Tufts University in Massachusetts summed up early decision in a very comical way: if you are ready to put your arms around me and say “I love you,” then you should apply early decision. If you don't feel that strongly, then don't apply early decision! My daughter and I left knowing that we were not ready to tell Tufts "I love you."

But besides the enticement of getting a decision by December 15th,there is another attraction to applying early decision to the college you love. Many schools take a greater percent of applicants from their early decision pool than later on from their regular decision pool in the winter. Early decision does give you a better shot at getting an acceptance. Some schools even announce their early decisions in late November. Last year, one mom was thrilled when her oldest child found out they she had been accepted into her top choice school the day after Thanksgiving allowing her to enjoy the rest of her senior year! Another mom that I spoke to had mixed thoughts on the early decision process. It worked out well for one child who was accepted early decision to an Ivy League school but not for her second child who felt awful after being rejected. It was hard to continue the rest of the college application process after facing one rejection. She would prefer that the college application system go back to the old days when there was no such thing as early decision, but it appears that the colleges like it and early decision will stay around.

Early decision applications have to be submitted by November 1st, so it's a good six weeks before you hear a response and the wait can kill you. I have tried to avoid the topic of college decisions around our house this past month. I have planned fun weekends in NYC and family gatherings in hopes of diffusing the pressure of simply waiting. This is probably the first big decision that my daughter has made that I cannot play any role in the outcome whatsoever and its killing me. Will College XYZ take her? Maybe, maybe not. It's completely their decision now. Sure, I made sure that she took a good SAT prep course and sure, I always encouraged her academically and sure, I allowed her to participate in countless clubs, sports and extracurricular activities always, but was it all enough to make it into XYZ?

Maybe I should have hired a college expert. Maybe I should have reviewed her essay (We agreed that I should not see it -- what do I know about college essays anyway? That was her guidance counselor's responsibility). Maybe I should have written a letter to the college telling them how amazing she is? Ok, I'm not serious on that one at all. But maybe I should have done something more. Next week, we will know and I will either bake a congratulations cake or bake a cheer up cake. I will be on standby to hug her and hold her tight no matter what the decision is, and the actual decision can take three forms: 1) welcome to our school, we love you and you are accepted 2) sorry you are a great person but we are not taking you or 3) we are simply not sure at this point whether we want you or not, so we are deferring you and will let you know in the spring! I think a "defer" may be harder to accept that an outright denial. Of course, anything but an acceptance is crushing to most kids. I think a rejection or a deferral could be a blessing in disguise, since then she'll apply regular decision to a number of other schools and have a choice (and I love having choices!) But I understand that rejection hurts and as a mother, I don't want to see any of my kids hurt.

One sad thing in all this is that whether she is happy or not next week, she will of course go to some good school next September and ultimately I am sure she will be happy wherever she winds up ... as for me, I will have to drop her off at college and drive away. Now that’s what is sad!

Caroline Tzelios is a "stay at home" mom of three kids who never stays at home. She has spent the past twelve years volunteering in the Edgemont Schools and recently completed her two year term as PTSA co-president of Edgemont High School and is the current co-chair of Edgemont's PISA Theater Committee.