Horror Movies for Scarsdalians

The tension! The shrieking! The tooth-and-nail fight for survival! No, I'm not talking about the last Town Hall hearing on generator-installation rules: I'm taking about the fact that Halloween is rapidly approaching.

Sure, you could tune in to a rerun of Carrie. But if you really want to have the bejeebers frightened out of you, why not watch a horror movie specifically geared to our hamlet? You'll have to check local listings for the flicks below—I'm too busy bagging or mulching my leaves, like all the little signs say, to dial Moviefone for you—but they're well worth seeking out. Like all truly great horror shows, they're based on actual events. Zoinks!

GOOSEBUSTERS: You hit the library for some lit, but you step in goose sh...ahem. Who ya gonna call? In this film's exciting climax, an influx of geese is followed by an even more alarming flock of goose-eradicating "experts" armed with tacky whirligigs, bullhorns, sheepdogs, nuclear warheads, and enough corn oil to either sterilize a gaggle of goose eggs or deep-fry a truckload of Twinkies at the next Scarsdale High School Carnival.

THE B.A.R. GLITCH PROJECT: Despite Scarsdale's iron-fisted rule by a Board of Architectural Review, which supposedly determines the dimension each bathroom tile in our homes, a building rises in front of Balducci's with all the charm of a Jiffy Lube.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR: Your child's camp friends all turn out to live in Suffolk County, meaning you'll be braving the jam-packed L.I.E. every weekend to chauffeur her to reunions and sleepovers.

DAWN OF THE DAD: Your child earns a spot on an elite softball or football team. Instead of getting to sleep in on the weekends, you suddenly find yourself at a frosty Supply Field at 7 AM sharp, wondering how mosquitos can locate your flesh even through denim and fleece.

28 DAYS LATER, the town still has no electricity following any blizzard, hurricane, gentle rainfall, rainbow, or lunar eclipse. Zombie-like neighbors roam the streets, unable to procure essentials such as gasoline, a hot shower, or Opera Cake from Martine's.

THE RING: It's a cold winter morning. "How am I possibly going to get everything done today that I need to do?", you think as you awaken. Just then, the phone rings. You pick it up and hear the scariest words known to any Scarsdalian parent: "Hello, this is Linda Purvis, Assistant Superintendent of schools. Due to inclement weather, school is cancelled..." EEEEEEEEEK!

Deborah Skolnik is a Greenacres mother of two and the Content Director of Myron Corporation, a large business-gifts company in Maywood, New Jersey. She's expecting numerous sequels to The Ring this winter.