Puppy Love

I said goodbye to my puppy Jasper last week. I know I shouldn’t still be calling him a puppy; he was almost 15 years old, about 50 pounds and over 2 feet tall. My youngest child is still my baby (she may not like me to say it…. though there are those rare times she does) so I suppose it makes sense that I still think of Jasper as my puppy.

I always said I was not one of those obsessed dog people. I liked my dog but treated him like a dog. My dog ate dog food, slept in a cage and wasn’t allowed in my bedroom. So it really took me by surprise how hard I’m taking his loss.

Part of it is that he was an incredibly healthy puppy. We had spent years climbing the hills in Edgemont and walking our way through Scarsdale and White Plains. When I’d put the walkman around my waist, Jasper was already at the door knowing it was our time. We kept each other fit….. or at least he looked lean and mean! Jasper had a habit of running around the pool when I was doing my laps and when I tried to keep him out, he burrowed under the fence!

When I told my friends that Jasper was no more, I was so touched by everyone who had fond memories of this loveable but very intrusive pet. When Jasper was young, he used his long nose to open the refrigerator drawer and helped himself to whatever he liked. I remember when he grabbed a steak off the grill! One friend reminded me how he disrupted the Board of Ed meeting and we had Dr. McGill and others chasing Jasper around the house. Others recalled how Jasper insisted on licking toes and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Little did I know how much people connect with dogs, even if they’re not their own.

They say you start to look like your dog, well I don’t know if there were similarities, maybe the curly hair, but I had mine first. However I do think Jasper took on the personality of the family. He was very persistent and you couldn’t be in the house for 5 minutes without him making his introduction. Either he’d nudge you from the back or stick out his paw trying to get you to rub him behind the ears.

So I now understand those people who are so attached to their dogs. It’s a unique relationship. I even find myself doing what I never did….talking to other dog owners about their dogs. And when Jasper was sick last week, I would lay down on the floor with him. I cooked him all sorts of special people meals and I let him sleep in my room. I hated to see him in pain so I massaged his leg and carried him outside like a baby.

Now when I come down the stairs or walk in the door, I listen for the jingle of his collar. There’s an emptiness that I just don’t how to fill. The kids went on with their lives, the ex left but Jasper and I stayed on. We formed a bond that I didn’t know was so strong and I miss my buddy.