Horror Movies for Scarsdalians, Part 2

Sure, by all appearances, Scarsdale is a cozy hamlet. Yet behind every Tudor, there lurk terrors that only we residents understand. These films haven't been made—yet—but we're betting they'd be monster hits.

Scream: State troopers are dispatched to Scarsdale to investigate a howling noise coming from every corner of town. A serial murderer? Nope. An alien invasion? Wrong again: It's the sound of thousands of homeowners simultaneously learning about their tax reassessments.

The Conjuroring: Two days after you've bought airplane tickets and booked a hotel at Disney World, White Plains Court summons you to perform your civic duty on that same week.

The Sick Sense: The way you somehow KNOW that a trick-or-treater with a terrible sense of humor is going to show up on your doorstep dressed like an Ebola victim.

Paranormal Snacktivity: The parents of a teen boy are frightened— why has their food bill skyrocketed? Hidden kitchen cams soon reveal a terrifying truth: Fifteen-year-olds consume twice their body weight in fro-yo from Peachwave.

The Splurge: Thought The Purge was scary? Wait till you see the Scarsdale remake, in which a woman goes insane and blows her month's rent on a faux fur vest from Pamela Robbins.

The Shinning: Your child fails to put on protective gear before hitting the soccer field at Crossway, resulting in dozens of trips into NYC to see an orthopedist.

Poultrygeist: Your daughter's friend is staying over for dinner, so you spend an hour making a lovely meal...then discover she only likes rotisserie chicken from Ruffled Feathers.

Deborah Skolnik is a Greenacres mother of two and the Content Director of Myron Corporation, a large business-gifts company in Maywood, New Jersey.