Letter: A Parent’s Perspective: It Takes a Community to Block Anti-LGBTQ+ Hate

This letter was submitted by Amanda Levin Pymm (she/her) and Michael Pymm (he/him)
We’re one of many typical families in Scarsdale who moved here because we wanted to raise our children in this wonderful community. What makes us not so typical is that we have a child (they/them) who identifies as LGBTQ+ and is moving along the gender spectrum. As they were assigned male at birth, the assumption is that they are a boy, but they are not.

However, they are frequently misgendered. There are some transgender people who are perceived as cisgender instead of the sex they were assigned at birth. A trans person who is perceived as cisgender may face less prejudice, harassment, and risk of violence. We are fortunate and grateful to be part of a community that is supportive of our child, but we do not live in a bubble because our child looks different.

Most parents, including us, raise their children with the expectations and restrictions of the gender binary – the classification of gender into two distinct, opposite forms of masculine and feminine, based on a dated social system and cultural beliefs. Thus, when we see people who are breaking free from the gender binary, it’s instinctual to look and glare. Some take it a step further and follow us around and snicker. As such, our child and family struggle every single day because we stand out wherever we go, and we always have our guard up. Are we safe? Are we ok? Are there police officers around who can help, if necessary? Should we just leave? Our world has become smaller and smaller.

The world remains a difficult place for the LGBTQ+ community. Nationwide, more than two dozen anti-LGBTQ+ bills were enacted this year out of more than 250 introduced and there were a reported 32 violent deaths of LGBTQ+ people in 2022, according to the Human Rights Campaign. The Trevor Project estimates that more than 1.8 million LGBTQ+ youth seriously consider suicide each year in the U.S. — and at least one attempts suicide every 45 seconds.

We watch and worry a lot, hearing so many voices raised against them. So, when we heard that one of those voices (Kirk Cameron, an anti-LGBTQ+ actor-writer) was coming to Scarsdale, to one of our community spaces, our initial reaction was to organize a peaceful gathering. For a while it felt good, as it was a way to take action against those fears about the wider world.

However, a voice only has the power that we give it by listening. So, after the reaction passed and we spoke to community members, we now believe the right response to this event is— nothing. We can show this voice that he means nothing to us by simply not listening to him. We don’t want to support this voice’s attempt to generate controversy, divide people, push an agenda, raise his profile, and make money off it.

Instead, it has been a good reminder that we have our own job to do. The community we have here doesn’t happen by accident, and to keep hate out we must keep working on tolerance, education, and acceptance.

We would like to channel the energy and support we have seen over the last few days to support our wonderful Scarsdale Public Library and partner with them to organize and promote programming that affirms and supports the LGBTQ+ community. From the very beginning, the library has shown us nothing but love and support and we are forever grateful.

We also want to thank our Scarsdale neighbors. Please know that we have received your kind messages and we are still working to respond to all of them. We thank you for sending us so much love.

To our fellow mommy and daddy bears in Scarsdale who have LGBTQ+ children and family—some of you we knew and some we did not—working with you and connecting over the past few days has meant the world to us. Knowing that we are not alone makes us feel better.

We also want to thank Sheryl Spivack Braun, who has guided and supported us, and many other parents of LGBTQ+ youth, through some very challenging times. You are a true community leader.

As we look ahead, we urge everyone to please continue to unite at this time and do our best to keep hate out of our community.

Hate has no home in Scarsdale. Only love.