Drumroll, please: It's the 2014 OscarsDales

Our eyes were on Hollywood last weekend as we watched the Oscars. But now it's time to think local again. Scarsdale's own version of that fabled ceremony, the OscarsDales, is here! Sure, our golden statuette only got its glow from spending the afternoon in a tanning bed, but we'll take what we can get, right?

Let's all sit back, order in a pizza from Lange's, take a few selfies, and find out who's getting top honors. (Hint: You'll be thrilled--and a little scared--to learn how often the winner is YOU!)

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Envelope please...and the award goes to...

...Every parent who acts delighted to sit on a cold metal bench on Saturday mornings and cheer his kid's Rec softball team.

BEST ART DIRECTION

Envelope please...and the award goes to...

...Anyone who offered gentle yet astute tips while supervising her child's Halloween Window Painting Contest efforts. ("I think someone's already drawn a witch on a fart-powered broom, sweetie.")

BEST SOUND MIXING

Envelope please...and the award goes to...

...All those who added their illegal generator's racket to the din coming from all the other illegal generators during our last power outage (thanks!).

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

Envelope please...and the award goes to...

...Any (and every) woman among us who's made $300 Uggs and $900 Moncler puffer jackets the uniform that shouts "I'm just slumming around town."

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

Envelope please...and the award goes to...

The Realtors of Scarsdale, for demonstrating incredible skill at taking MLS photos. (How do you make a 1500-square-foot Tudor on .10 acres of land look like the Taj Mahal, anyway?)

BEST ANIMATED SHORT

Envelope please...and the award goes to...

Residents who attended brief hearings on the Homestead Tax Option and got as agitated as if they were taking a spin on Space Mountain, blindfolded.

BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS

Envelope please...and the award goes to...

Katzenberg's for closing their doors, vanishing overnight and leaving not a trace of the salad bar.

These awards were presented by Deborah Skolnik, a Greenacres mother of two and the Content Director for Myron Corporation, a large business-gifts firm in Maywood, New Jersey.