Finding the Perfect Sitter
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- Written by Stacie M. Waldman
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Though we'd all love the perfect babysitter to fly into our homes on an umbrella like Mary Poppins, finding one is not that easy. Moms often ask me where to find a good babysitter ... one that's available, on time, nice, neat, fun, cooks, nutritious meals, is a gentle disciplinarian and charges a reasonable rate. They want to know what questions to ask at the interview, what the going rate is in Scarsdale and if they're lucky enough to find a good sitter should they share their name with friends. So as the mom of two young kids who's often looking for help, here is what I have learned:
Resources for finding babysitters: The Scarsdale Y.E.S. (Youth Employment Services) office might be a good place for some to start if you're looking for a high school aged sitter. The Y.E.S. office allows you to place an ad for free and students looking for jobs can access the ads and contact you if they are interested. Both Iona College and Sarah Lawrence College offer parents the ability to list a babysitting job. Craigslist, Care.com and Sitter City allow for online searching for childcare; the latter two charge a search fee. Word of mouth is, of course, an option, although some people don't like to share babysitters (see more on this below). One Scarsdale mom of two kids with a third on the way said, "It can be challenging finding someone with interest, warmth, and free time." She has had successes finding sitters through her neighbors as well as care.com.
What to ask at the interview: A good rule of thumb is to phone screen all applicants before inviting them to come to the house to meet you and your children. Once the sitter gets to the house for the in-person interview, it's best to reserve that time to observe how they interact with the children. If you phone screen ahead of time, you can weed out the sitters who don't seem qualified. For example, I asked one potential sitter "What do you like about babysitting?" and got this reply --"Ummmmmm, ummmmmmmm, I dunno. I guess I think it's like a really easy way to make money." Needless to say, I told her I'd be in touch if I was interested (which I was not,) and saved myself from having her meet the kids. Some questions that could help you ascertain whether it's worth having someone come in for a face-to-face meeting are:
• What do you like about babysitting?
• What was your worst moment babysitting and how did you resolve it?
• How many years have you been working with children?
• How old were the children you babysat?
• Do you have your own transportation?
• Do you smoke?
• Do you know First Aid and CPR for infants/children?
• What would you do with the kids for a few hours during the day to make it fun?
• What do you think is the best way to handle tantrums? Discipline?
• Do you have references? (If the answer is yes, and if you're potentially interested in using this person as a sitter, it may be a good idea to check with the references before setting up a time to have the babysitter come to the house. )
• For infants: Do you have experience in bathing/feeding/diapering children?
Do you know about SIDS and how to prevent it? Are you familiar with Shaken Baby Syndrome? Do you know the proper size for baby chewables and how to prevent choking?
Last, if you have a set price you're willing to pay a babysitter, it's best to figure this out on the phone before they come meet your kids. If you are hoping to pay a high school student $10 an hour and he/she wants $15 an hour, there's no point in moving further along unless one or both of you are willing to budge with the price.
Great Expectations: Make sure you're clear about what you expect: Some moms feel that a babysitter should just babysit the kids; play, keep them safe, feed them if required, and get them to sleep at night. Other moms think a babysitter should be responsible for cleaning up toys and the kitchen if they made a meal. One Scarsdale mom cautioned, "I always set the expectations ahead of time so as not to be disappointed at the end of the night. If I ask the sitter to clean up the playroom after playing in it and do the kids dishes from dinner, then I expect that to be done- especially if the kids go to sleep and the sitter has down time."
Compensation: The million dollar (or twenty dollar, or ten dollar) question: How much do I pay a babysitter? Well, this is up for debate. In Scarsdale, the going rate for a high school babysitter is between $10-$12 an hour and some people even pay up to $15 an hour. One local mom who has four kids said, "I pay high school students $10 an hour to babysit my kids. The kids are usually asleep for a portion of the time and they're getting $10 cash an hour to watch TV. An ice cream store or a clothing store would pay minimum wage ($8 an hour) on the books and they'd have to commit to a schedule ahead of time. I feel the amount I pay is appropriate for what the job is and they can turn it down if they don't want it." Another mom told me that her son, a senior in high school, charges $10 an hour and she won't let him charge more than that because she thinks it's a fair amount for him to earn and the employer to pay. This question comes up on the Facebook page for Scarsdale Moms frequently and the range is always between $10-15. College-age sitters usually get $12-$18 an hour, and adult/post graduate sitters get anywhere from $15-$20 an hour, in general.
Should the amount depend on the number of kids or their behavior? Again, that's up for debate. One mom I spoke with said her kids are very difficult so she pays sitters a higher rate to get them to come back, whereas another mother said, "My kids are easy to babysit and they see a sitter as a treat. I do admit that I pay on the lower end but I also think it's a very easy job and a great way to make a nice chunk of cash for very little true 'work'." The majority of the moms I spoke with don't pay different amounts for more or less kids.
To share or not to share: Sharing a babysitter is a nice thing to do. If you're not using your regular sitter and a mom at preschool drop off mentions that she is desperate for one, should you offer a phone number? It sounds like a win-win, but several moms brought up issues with sitter-sharing. "It is really annoying when you share the name of your sitter with someone only to find out that they're paying her $20 an hour instead of the $15 you pay; then your babysitter comes back to you asking for more or becomes 'unavailable' because she's babysitting for the other family for more money." You may be able to get around this by politely requesting that the other family pay the same amount if you share her name, but that can only be controlled so much.
Another issue can arise if the person does not think of the sitter referral as a "one time offer" and starts using your sitter regularly, making her unavailable to you. Although it's "fair" in theory if the other person booked her first, it might still be irksome if you can't book your babysitter because she's down the street at your neighbor's again. If you're the one asking for a sitter referral, you can avoid this awkward interaction by proactively asking what your friend pays the sitter and sticking to that amount; likewise, if you like the sitter and want to continue using her, it would be good etiquette to check with the person who referred her to see if it's okay to use her for additional babysitting.
Have you had problems like this? Do you have other resources that would help parents find great babysitters? Talk about it in the comments below!
Greenacres First Grader to Star in NYC Production of Number the Stars
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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Greenacres Elementary School first grader Alyssa Marvin will star in the 25th Anniversary production of Lois Lowry's Newbery-Award winning novel, Number the Stars. Performances will run in Times Square at The Davenport Theatre from November 14-17. Alyssa will share the stage with veteran actors from all over the world.
Set in Denmark in 1943, the story is based on true events. When word got out in Denmark that Jews were to be relocated the Danish resistance, population and police arranged a small flotilla to bring 7,000 Jews to Sweden. The heroism of an entire nation reminds us that there was pride and human decency in the world even during a time of war.
Number the Stars is the story of two ten-year-old girls, Annemarie and Ellen, and the hardships they face while their country is occupied by German Nazis. When Annemarie makes the decision to go on a dangerous mission, she must find the strength and courage to save her best friend's life.
We spoke to Alyssa's mother, Lynne Marvin to find out more about Alyssa's burgeoning acting career. Here is what she shared:
Alyssa is six years old and is a first grader at Greenacres. This is her professional stage debut. She absolutely adores acting, singing, and dancing and there is no place she would rather be than on the stage. She will have appeared in twelve shows from last December through this December (mostly children's theater) and literally begs me to sign her up for anything she can audition for locally. Last December, she danced in The Nutcracker at SUNY Purchase. Since than, she has appeared in the Jungle Book, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (playing the role of Snow White), The Magical Land of Oz and Secret Garden at Random Farms Kids Theater and Tarzan, Frog & Toad and Glee! at the Westchester Sandbox Theater. She is also currently in rehearsals to play the role of Molly in Annie Warbucks at the Westchester Sandbox Theater December 19-21st and Buffalo Bill in Annie Get Your Gun at Random Farms Kids Theater. She studies voice and acting at Random Farms and dance at Scarsdale Ballet Studios and Studio B Dance. We knew she loved to perform when she used to toddle to the front of the class at Applause Westchester when she was little over one and do the songs and dances for everyone.
We learned about this role through her agent Mallory Levy at Generation TV (it was the first professional stage audition she was sent on by her). She attended an audition in the city with many other girls and was asked to return later for a callback to do another new scene with adults and children that were also called back. Since all the other girls were older at the audition, Alyssa and I went to a restaurant nearby for the fifty minutes in between so she could memorize the new scene she was given and prepare (since she's only six she likes to know her scenes really well so she doesn't have to worry about reading them). Each part of the audition was about an hour long and she did the scenes with other actors auditioning for different parts. She told me she had a great time at the audition- it was really her first time getting to audition with adult stage actors and she really was into it. She told me afterwards that all the women auditioning for the parts of the mothers were so amazing she didn't know how they would decide (she was really impressed.) We learned she got the part about two days later - I actually picked her up from her cooking club at school and spoke to her principal while I was waiting and she came with me to tell her the good news (it was really nice.) She was absolutely thrilled.
Alyssa is in almost every scene of the show and according to the count of the older girls in cast she has 88 lines, so there is a lot for her to memorize. We read scenes together every night she doesn't have rehearsal to practice, as well as on the way to the city for rehearsals so she can practice her lines. She started rehearsal about a week ago and is in the city 3-5 nights a week for rehearsals for 2-3 hours a night. She loves going to rehearsals, so even though we have had to rearrange all of our schedules and she has had to miss a lot of her other activities, she looks forward to them every day. The other girls in the show are wonderful- they've become great friends already- and she loves working with such an amazingly talented cast and director. We also read the book together in the four days between when rehearsals started and we found out she got the part.
When she's not busy on stage (which she says is her "number 1 favorite thing to do"), Alyssa is a typical active first grader and loves all sports! She is a competitive diver (a member of High Dive Champions and she dove and swam for Scarsdale this summer), cheerleader for Westchester Gymnastics All-Star team, loves to play soccer, softball, gymnastics, race, and play on the monkey bars.
Best of luck to Alyssa.
For more information visit www.NumbertheStarsNY.com.
Coping with Anxiety
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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This article was contributed by Psychologist William Golden who is a member of the Westchester County Psychological Association:
We live in a time where there are many things that can scare us. Every day, we and our children are faced with stress, fears and worries. Some of the stressors are the day to day challenges such as those from work and school. But we are also bombarded on a daily basis by the media about threats from terrorists such as ISIS and diseases like Ebola. There is no escaping the stream of information flowing through the radio, TV and the internet that is guaranteed to scare even the bravest of us. There is also no way of insulating our children from the information that creeps into their consciousness through their smart phones and social media. What are we to do about all of this information overload? How can we cope with the anxiety that is produced by world events and the stresses of everyday life? There has been a great deal of progress made in the field of psychology on our understanding of stress and anxiety. There are now a number of psychological techniques that have been developed for treating anxiety.
First let's start with defining and identifying anxiety. Fear and worry cause anxiety. Anxiety is the emotional reaction that we experience when we perceive a threat or danger. The threat can be real, such as disease or terrorists. However the danger can be magnified such as a fear of getting Ebola from using a public bathroom. The threat can also be coming from within our own minds, such as a perceived threat to one's self-esteem as a result of losing a job or failing a test.
A good way to start to work on your fears and worries is to identify them. Worry is usually in the form of "What if?" An example of worry would be "what if I lose my job." Fear, on the other hand, tends to be more specific. An example of fear would be "I'll get Ebola from using a public bathroom." One way of dealing with fear and worry is through a reality check. Question the fear or worry. Is there any evidence that I am going to lose my job? What is the probability that I'll lose my job? You also can question the threat to your self-esteem. You don't become worthless as a result of losing your job or failing a test. You can only feel worthless if you believe you are worthless. You can question the logic of your thinking. Would you view your best friend as worthless if he or she became unemployed? Probably not, so why not treat yourself at least as well as you would treat a friend. Be kind to yourself. When you don't have to be afraid of you condemning yourself for mistakes and failures, then mistakes and failures become less scary. Ironically when you are less anxious about how you will do on the job or how you will do in school, then your mind is better focused, your concentration is better and you usually do better work, perform better on tests and in sports.
Another way of coping with anxiety is through problem solving. Problem solving involves 5 steps:
1) First identify the worry and define the problem - so for example, "What do I do if I lose my job?"
2) Next, "brainstorm" possible solutions to the problem – For example, "I could start looking for a job now, I could start working on my resume, I could start to network, I could start an online business, I could talk to a recruiter now, I could go for career counseling, I could collect unemployment, I could negotiate a termination package, etc.
3) Weigh the pros and cons of each alternative – Think about the advantages and disadvantages of each option, the possible consequences to yourself and to significant others and possible outcomes, as well as the likelihood of success of each alternative.
4) Select the best alternative or the best combination of alternatives - You don't have to select only one option. Frequently a combination of approaches will yield the best results.
5) Implement the action plan that you have developed. If unsuccessful, instead of giving up, renew your problem solving by starting to redefine the problem and brainstorm again. You probably will have new information and may be able to identify some new alternatives. Don't be afraid to ask other people you know and trust for their ideas. Sometimes another person can see an alternative that you missed.
You can even use a reality check to cope with anxiety about real physical dangers, such as a fear of terrorism and illness especially if the threat is based on misinformation. So what is the real risk of getting Ebola from using a bathroom or from being on the bus or train. You do not have to be an expert to do the reality check on worries about illnesses. Legitimate information is available. I am not a medical expert on Ebola, but I have listened to what the experts have said and written. Ebola is not airborne. You can only get it through direct contact with bodily fluids. So, we should have rational concern about using public bathrooms and wash our hands, instead of avoiding public bathrooms and public transportation out of fear. Avoidance is an attempt to run away from the threat or danger. The problem with avoidance is that it only gives you temporary relief, and in the long run, only makes matters worse, especially if the threat is based on misinformation or irrationality.
So what can we do to help our children cope with fear and anxiety? You might start by having them read this article, or share the information in it with them. Another good starting point is to encourage them to communicate their fears and anxieties. Just telling them to not worry is usually not helpful. Reality checks are different. A reality check involves accurate information and guidance. Problem solve with them. If there is a real problem what can they do about it? Teach them, and yourself, to be more self-accepting. We all make mistakes and we all risk failure in the process of pursuing success. We can learn from our mistakes and our failures. Less anxiety comes with greater self-acceptance.
There is a great deal more that can be said about coping with anxiety. For example there are relaxation and stress-management techniques that are very effective in reducing fear and anxiety. In this article, my intention was to introduce the reader to some of the basic tools for coping with anxiety. If further information about psychological services, or if professional help is needed, you can utilize the referral service of the Westchester County Psychological Association (WCPA). WCPA is an organization that is committed to furthering the development of psychology as a science and as a profession, in addition to safeguarding the interests of the public.
Disclaimer: Although Dr. Golden is a board member of the Westchester County Psychological Association (WCPA), the views in this article are his and not the views of WCPA.
Scarsdale on Parade
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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What could be more fun than Halloween ... especially Halloween in Scarsdale. The holiday got off to an early start on Sunday October 19th with window painting throughout the Village and a parade for the younger set.
Lange's Deli made a generous contribution of donuts, cider, cups and napkins for the parade - and refreshments were free for all.
The results of the window painting contest as well as pictures of the winning entries are announced in a separate feature on Scarsdale10583.
As you can see from these photos, everyone had a good time painting and posing in their costumes.
Photos by Trudy Zohn
Fire Fair At Crossway on October 18th
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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A Fire Fair will be held at the Crossway Firehouse on Saturday, October 18, 2014 from 10 am to 2 pm rain or shine. The event will promote Fire Prevention Month and will include participation from all three volunteer companies, explorers, as well as the career staff.
Kids can crawl through the "Smoke Trailer" – a simulated house with a smoke machine, apparatus demonstrations; hourly fire demonstrations, extinguisher demos, fire prevention videos, fire safety checklist completion prizes, literature and food. Other "hands on" activities for children are also planned.
A school program will take place prior to the fair. On Friday, October 17, firefighters will visit the first grades in all of the elementary schools in the village. They will show a safety video and discuss fire prevention. We will also be handing out flyers to children of all ages to bring back home reminding the families about the fair.
This year's theme for Fire Prevention Week is "Working Smoke Alarms Save Lives." Firefighters will be spreading the word about the importance of having multiple working smoke detectors present in the home and regularly testing them and changing their batteries.
Fire safety equipment such as fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, and fire escape ladders will be on sale. New this year, residents can bring their home fire extinguishers to the Fair for a free inspection. Although the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) designates October as "Fire Prevention Month," emergency preparedness is an ongoing concern year round. Stay safe!
