Empty Nest: Organizing Approaches for your Children's Rooms
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- Written by Jocelyn Kenner
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Our youngest child is starting college this fall and there is no shortage of articles explaining how parents can successfully transition into being "Empty Nesters". I confess that I have eagerly devoured each article and feel better equipped for this new stage of life and all of the emotions and changes that accompany it.
Recently one of my long-time clients (I will call her Liz) asked me a personal question that stopped me dead in my tracks.... Liz asked, "what will you do with your children's bedrooms now that they are out of the house?" Wait - no article had advised me on that aspect! I told Liz I needed to think that through and get back to her. While pondering this tough question I came to the conclusion that there is no canned answer, or "correct approach" to dealing with bedrooms vacated by beloved offspring and filled with a lifetime of memories and belongings. Each family needs to find a solution that is unique to them and works for their needs.
As a Professional Organizer, I help clients establish organizing solutions that enable then to live comfortably in their homes; these solutions are customized to my clients' particular needs. So while one client is thrilled to finally have all her t-shirts stored in a drawer since they used to live in a pile on the floor, another client whose t-shirts always lived in a drawer now wants them categorized by color and sleeve length so she can locate an appropriate shirt at a glance.
The next time I saw Liz I happily reported that I had an answer to her question. I reminded her that my answer is unique to me and may not fit another family's need or situation. I explained my approach. Afterwards it occurred to me that since none of the articles on being an empty nester dealt with this question I should share my perspective with the hope of lending insight to others who are at this stage.
DISCLAIMER: If you are short on space, or the departing child shared a room with a younger sibling then the ideas described below are not helpful and a different approach needs to be considered. Conversely, if you have an abundance of space and you are perfectly content to keep your child's room as is, then my advice is moot.
College Undergraduate:
When your child is an undergraduate at an out-of-town college, I say keep his room as is until he finishes his undergraduate education. Most undergrads come home for holidays and summer breaks. Returning to a familiar bedroom filled with personal belongings is quite comforting, especially during this transient time of life that often involves living in tiny, shared spaces. That said, it is perfectly reasonable to insist that the room be left clean and organized while he is away so it can be used for overnight guests, or as an office, workout, or hobby space for a parent, etc.
College Graduate:
Once your child has graduated from college and is living away from home, now is an appropriate time to consider redecorating and/or repurposing her bedroom. I do feel it is important to engage your adult child in a conversation about the impending changes to his room. While she is old enough to understand that her room should be utilized and enjoyed by other members of the family, it demonstrates a sense of respect and sensitivity to involve her in the changes. The dialogue between parent and child becomes essential so a happy compromise can be agreed on by all. Set time aside to go through the room together to decide what stays and what goes and where/how items will donated or handed-down.* There may be sentimental items (stuffed animals, books, trophies, etc.) that she would like to have boxed up and kept in long term storage (attic, rented storage unit, etc.), or moved to her current home. I recommend having a small, designated space in the room for your adult child to store some clothes and toiletries so that when she visits she has a home base with a few necessities on hand. I also suggest identifying a small bookcase or shelf in the redesigned room to store and/or display some of her treasured childhood items for her perusing (framed photos or photo albums, high school diploma and yearbook, souvenirs from a favorite trip, etc.). These small gestures go a long way in anchoring and valuing her place in the family, acknowledging her former bedroom, and welcoming her back to "the nest."
*Never throw out your adult child's belongings without consulting her first. What appears to you to be trash could be treasured by your child. If she lives far away, consider a Skype session or FaceTime. You could also box-up everything in the room with the expectation that she will go through it the next time she visits. It's okay to put a deadline on how long you will keep the boxes before they are donated, discarded, or moved to a storage unit that SHE will pay for. Be reasonable with the deadline, but do stick to it and remind your adult child periodically of the impending deadline. This can be a very motivating tactic.
So as our son departs for his freshman year in college he will leave behind a clean bedroom, but one that is entirely his. I may use it as my temporary yoga and meditation room, we will see..... As for our daughter, she begins a graduate program this fall and continues to live away from home. We will slowly and cooperatively make some modifications to her bedroom. Replacing her single bed with a spacious queen-sized bed seems to get a universal thumbs up. I could take over some of her closet space so I no longer need to climb the folding stairs to the attic to store my out of season clothes. That's it for now because as all the articles on empty nesting have advised, this is not the time to be making any drastic changes in my life. Now is my opportunity to focus on myself, enjoy time spent with my husband and friends, and a chance to pursue my passions and hobbies. Frankly, changing her bedroom is low on my list of interests at this point.
Jocelyn is a member of NAPO (National Association of Professional Organizers) and ICD (Institute for Challenging Disorganization). Jocelyn has been helping Westchester residents organize their homes for the past seven years. Jocelyn is skilled at identifying her clients needs and implementing personalized, useful, and painless ways to manage the contents of their homes. A mother of two grown children who have left the nest, Jocelyn lives in Scarsdale, NY with her husband and three cats. Jocelyn can be reached at Jocelyn@kenner.org or www.seeyourwayclear.com.
Jocelyn will be presenting a workshop through the Scarsdale Adult School, "The Ten Commandments for Organizing Your Home", on Wednesday, September 17th at 7:30 PM. Click here to learn more and sign up.
Beth El Synagogue Center's USY Chapter Named Chapter of the Year
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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Beth El Synagogue Center has announce that it's USY (United Synagogue Youth), chapter has been recognized by the national board, as Chapter of the Year. USY plays an integral role in the lives of many of Westchester's teens. It provides them with a sense of leadership, accomplishment, spirituality, and most of all, friendship. Beth El USYers have gone above and beyond in the past year, engaging other teens to join the chapter and adding to the prominence of USY in the community. Some of the activities include: coordinating teen Shabbat experiences, reaching out to the larger Westchester/Rockland community through social action projects, attending USY Summer Programs (like USY on Wheels and USY Israel Pilgrimage) and more. "I am so excited that our chapter, along with their inspirational USY Advisor, Bekkah Gold, has been recognized as Koach USY's Chapter of the Year. Even our youngest teens have stepped up to take on leadership roles," said Executive Director, Erica Leventhal. She added, "We have long known that the teen years represent a critical period of identity development on the journey to adulthood. When young people engage in effective Jewish learning experiences as adolescents, they are more likely to choose to live vibrant spiritual lives as adults."
Beth El Synagogue Center continues to explore creative approaches to ongoing year-round Jewish learning experiences, leadership programs, service and civic engagement, and laying the foundation for lifelong friendships. Chapter President Adam Burton added, "This past year, Beth El USY revamped its programming and has attracted many teens who are excited about becoming more involved in USY and the Beth El Community. I think that this award truly attests to the progress we've achieved this year and how bright the future is for our chapter."
Beth El Synagogue Center in New Rochelle is an active, thriving community that provides a wide range of religious, educational, social and community activities for all ages, allowing congregants engage our Jewish heritage and explore all aspects of Jewish life. Visit their website here.
SHS Chessmen Compete in National Tournament in San Diego
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- Written by Katharina Horn
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Most are not aware that the game of chess is as competitively demanding and time consuming as any mainstream sport. The reality is that chess is more than a classic board game; in fact, those who play chess competitively and therefore have an ELO rating know that the game of chess entails practice and determination in addition to weekend-long tournaments and six-hour-long games. Junior Mahiro Abe, sophomore Eric Zhang, sophomore Dexin Li, and senior Morgan Lawless are the four players from Scarsdale High School's chess club who attended the 2014 National High School Championship in San Diego held in April. Although Scarsdale High School does not have a developed chess program with a dedicated chess coach like some High Schools do, these four players led the Scarsdale team to tie for 10th place out of 51 High Schools.
These young players are all highly ranked on the ELO rating system, which accounts for all chess players, from Grandmasters, who have ELO ratings of 2600 and above, to beginners, who have ELO ratings closer to zero. ELO ratings are not rankings in which players are competing for specific place; there is no limit to how high a player's rating can go, though no grandmaster has yet achieved a rating of 3000. A player simply gains or loses points based on performance. Mahiro Abe has a rating of 2203 (Master level), Eric Zhang has a rating of 2084 (Expert level), Dexin Li has a rating of 1785, and Morgan Lawless has a rating of 1521. To give perspective, they all fall above the 96th percentile for chess players grades K-12 in the nation. Mahiro holds 21st place for all players age 16 in the nation, and Eric Zhang holds 30th place for all players age 15 in the nation. Needless to say, Scarsdale has talent as far as chess is concerned.
MAHIRO ABE
Regular rating: 2203
Junior ranking: 156 out of 39688
Age 16 ranking: 21 (only top 100 shown)
Mahiro started playing chess by chance, when he was taken in by the friendly environment of an after-school chess club he attended in second grade. Since then, he has filled his room with twenty to thirty chess books, and has recently become a Master, or a chess player with a rating above 2200.
He has also won first place in Japan's Chess Junior Championship, a tournament he is not likely to forget although he admits chess is not as competitive in Japan as it is in the United States. "I was traveling behind one person going into the fourth or fifth round. When I was paired with this person, I was in a bad position and down on time, but managed to turn the tables and win with a few really good moves that my opponent missed," explained Mahiro.
His prominence in Japan led him to represent Japan five times in the World Youth Chess Championships, an experience he says shaped the way he played chess and continues to play chess. "It's really cool that I got to meet a lot of people from different countries who have the same passion of playing chess," he said.
Mahiro's strengths are his impressive concentration and his strong base of fundamentals that stem from his extensive daily practice. "Even when it seems like the game is going to go on for another forty moves or something, I don't lose concentration," said Mahiro. He also has a bounty of diverse chess books. He tries to read a chapter a day; if he reads a chapter from one book on one day, he reads a chapter from another book the next day in order to vary the topic. He also has online lessons once a week, plays chess games on the internet, and watches top players' games. Once or twice a month, he attends an old and famous chess club in NYC called the Marshall Chess Club for a two-day tournament over the weekend. He plays four games, each around three to five hours long. Once or twice in a span of two to three months, he travels to Washington D.C., Philadelphia, and Massachusetts for larger tournaments.
Hard losses as well as gratifying wins and hard practice have shaped Mahiro's chess career. Around two years ago, when his rating was already over 2000, he was in a winning position and up a Knight against a kid who was only eleven years old. "I don't know how to explain it, it was like I just made him win," said Mahiro. "I couldn't get out of my seat for a few minutes after that loss. It was such a shock, it was so vivid. I remember it before every tournament. I'm confident I'll never make that kind of mistake again." After the tough loss, Mahiro became more cautious as a player in a good way.
One of the top points Mahiro has focused on this year is his determination to win the game and not settle for a draw. "Some players play for the draw if they are playing against a stronger opponent," admitted Mahiro. "Although that isn't necessarily bad, to keep playing chess you need that determination to win every game." Sometimes giving up is subtle - choosing a safe, inconsequential move over a more complicated one - so Mahiro has to work hard to avoid giving in to a tie. Perhaps his drive will lead him to surpass his title of Master, which he regards as a benchmark instead of an ultimate goal, and to achieve the title of Senior master, which is the title just before Grandmaster.
Mahiro guesses that he has spent more time on chess than any other extracurricular activity in his life ... and he hopes to keep it that way. Although he humbly expresses doubt that he can play for a college that is a "chess stronghouse," he hopes to play at least a few tournaments every few months as he gets older regardless. "I'm really determined to win, but even if I don't win, playing good chess makes me really happy," explained Mahiro, "I see no reason at all to quit."
ERIC ZHANG
Regular rating: 2084
Junior ranking: 357 out of 39688
Age 15 ranking: 30 (only top 100 shown)
Eric Zhang is not the typical chess player. Although he describes his practice as minimal, he has an undeniable love for the game and "plays with his heart." And while his coach used to tell him to sit upright and focused when playing tournaments, he is a fan of Grandmaster Magnus Carlsen, who sits in awkward and nonchalant positions. Perhaps the most unique aspect of Zhang is his almost superstitious belief in chess destiny. "Most players study a lot, but I rely on my passion and my destiny," noted Zhang. "When I start out with a win, I know I'm going to have a good tournament, and I believe that nothing is going to stop me. When I have a bad start, I know I'm going to have a bad tournament, so I let it happen and look forward to the next one."
From the time he started learning the basics of chess at five years old and playing competitively two years later, Zhang's unique approach has certainly worked for him. He has achieved the Expert level and is 100 points shy of Master, his next goal. His most memorable tournament was the time he placed 9th out of 200 kids age 14 in the 2013 Junior National Championship held in Florida. He has traveled as far as Florida, Virginia, and Philadelphia to attend tournaments.
Although he identifies his weakness as his game openings, which need to be studied, he has a useful ability to function under pressure. In tournaments where there is an unbearable silence except for the touch of clocks, which serve to keep the time for players who lose the game if they run out of time, functioning under pressure, especially time pressure, is essential. "For me, that kind of pressure is really fun," said Zhang.
Zhang's love of the game is almost palpable. "Chess has helped me in countless ways. It makes me feel special, it gives me confidence. I relate chess to everything I do in life - I know that I may lose a few games or have a bad day, but it's important to focus on the next game or to have a better day the next day," he said. Clearly, he plans to play for the rest of his life.
DEXIN LI
Regular rating: 1785
Junior ranking: 1444 out of 39,688
Dexin Li is a girl in a predominantly male sport that is not split by gender. Thus it is fitting that her mentor and idol has been her coach Rusa, who was the US Women's Champion in 2005. Rusa has pushed Li, who struggles with confidence problems, to not only better her strategies, but also believe in herself.
One of Li's most memorable tournaments was the New York State Scholastic Championships, where she broke 1400. "I remember in the last game I played really hard, and my face was all red," Li recalls. Like many serious players, Li gets emotionally invested in her tournaments, which makes her wins even more gratifying.
She is planning to increase the number of tournaments she plays in order to break 2000 and earn the Expert title. She will do so using her ability to concentrate for long periods of time as well her strategy of waiting until the middle of the game to start attacking her opponent to gain an advantage. If she keeps up her practice, which includes weekly meetings with Rusa, reading tactic books, and going over her games on a computer program called Test Base, Li will certainly reach her goal.
MORGAN LAWLESS
Regular ranking: 1521
Junior ranking: 2971 out of 39,688
Morgan Lawless was introduced to chess in first grade. Since then, his parents have been the perfect kind of parents: supportive, but not pushy. "My dad always tells me the second you stop having fun is the second we're going to stop going to these tournaments," said Morgan. Lawless has developed into a player who genuinely has fun playing.
Schoolwork often gets in the way of Lawless's practice. However, he manages to attend group chess lessons on a weekly basis and study tactic books when he has the chance. He also uses the ICC (Internet Chess Club) and chess.com to play against different people online. He attends local tournaments at the National Scholastic Chess Foundation in Westchester.
Lawless's chess strategy is marked by his desire to try unconventional, fun moves. "I like to do risky, stupid things that other people would say, 'You shouldn't be doing that,'" said Lawless. "But I like to use them because those moves are really fun." Perhaps that is why his favorite Grandmaster is Nakamura, whose aggressive play is entertaining to watch.
As Lawless's coach used to say, "The hardest thing to do in chess is win a won chess game." In other words, converting one's advantage into a win is more difficult than it seems for Lawless and other competitive chess players. Lawless is also hoping to work on studying more tactics, so that he can calculate possibilities with a clearer and quicker mind.
He plans to play chess for the rest of his life, whether it is in tournaments or just for fun. "Chess is an extracurricular that I've always done and I absolutely love it. Winning a chess game is the best thing ever because you feel like you've earned it; after sitting there for hours and hours, finally winning feels really good."
Rec Camp Offers Fun for Campers and Counselors Too
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With over 700 Scarsdale kids in six camps and a staff of 180 CIT's, counselors and supervisors, the Scarsdale Day Camp is a big enterprise. According to Vicky Latouris of the Scarsdale Recreation Department, with one-week remaining of the 5-week program, all has gone well. Despite global warming, this summer has been temperate and there have been no heat waves or major storms to disrupt the camp that serves children from kindergarten through eighth grade.
The Scarsdale Rec Camp is divided into sub camps based on age. The age divisions include: Camp Sagamore for kindergarteners, Lenape for first graders, Wapetuck for second graders, and Patthunke for third through eighth graders. There is also the option to participate in the Combination Camp for children grades three to eight. This camp specializes in sports and soccer but also includes enrollment in Camp Patthunke in the afternoon. Everyday, campers arrive bright and early to take part in the many activities offered by the camp, which include swimming, various sports, music, and art. The children are able to experience new things and develop hobbies and interest. Despite the wide variety of activities available, the counselors told us that the favorite activities among the campers seem to be traditional camp past-times like board games and lanyard making.
Swimming at the Scarsdale Pool is a key part of the day and kids are taken from the schools to the pool
by bus for swim instruction and free play. Pool temperatures are kept to 82 degrees to make it easy for kids to enjoy the water, and a big staff of swim instructors are employed at the pool to teach kids to swim in small groups.
In addition to the wide array of regular activities, there is also a unique social aspect that is very important to the operation of the Rec Camp. Emma Weinstein, a recent Scarsdale High School Graduate, is a counselor for 3rd grade girls at Camp Patthunke. Emma explained, "The children are able to meet other kids that they will soon be spending time with in middle school and high school." The Rec Camp helps youngsters to create that first connection with their peers, before actually entering the higher-level schools."
The daily program is highlighted by special events that occur throughout the summer. These include field trips, carnivals, magic shows, and more. For example, Camp Patthunke spent the day at Rye Playland, while Camp Lenape took a trip to the Norwalk Aquarium. There are also weekly ice cream days and a carnival with blow-up slides and cotton candy.
This year, the Rec Camp added a new element to the program at Camp Pathunke where they collaborated with Anna Stampfli of Scarsdale Strings to add musical instruction to the arts program with includes performing arts, dance and arts and crafts. This new segment gives campers the opportunity to sing and play instruments including the guitar and drums. The program culminated in a show on August 6 where kids playing instruments accompanied dancers. Many parents attended the 
performance at the Scarsdale Middle School to watch the campers display their musical talents. The children played the guitar and drums, as well as sang songs including "Wild Thing" and "Hit the Road Jack."
While younger kids enjoy camp close to home, students in 6th through 8th grade can participate in the Teen Travel Camp. This daily travel program takes 40 students on trips to amusement parks, on tubing and white water rafting adventures, to Broadway shows in Manhattan and Club Getaway in Connecticut. There are two 3-week sessions, and both sessions were fully subscribed.
The camp creates an energetic environment for the children, but also offers employment opportunities 
for high school and college students. Ali Farfel, a rising senior at Scarsdale High School and counselor for Camp Lenape, said "the job is convenient because it's local, and all the kids are really fun to be around, but the only challenge is that it is a very long day." Emma Weinstein also commented, "it's great to form relationships with the kids and see them making new friends and developing relationships; but it's difficult getting the kids from one place to another and making sure they have all their belongings." Overall, the counselors describe their work as a rewarding experience. Charli Suchin, another recent Scarsdale High School grad and counselor for Camp Lenape, explained to us her favorite part of the job. She noted that, "The best thing about being a counselor is seeing kids setting aside their differences and being good human beings."
Vaping: Is the Latest Trend Among Teens Safe?
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- Written by Stacie M. Waldman
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Have you heard your teenager mention hookah pens? How about vape pens, e-hookahs, hookah sticks, or e-pens? The action of smoking one is called "vaping."
Though they go by different names, they're one in the same. Hookah pens are slick, convenient, portable, colorful, flavorful e-cigarette-type devices becoming increasingly popular among pre-teens and teens. Cigarettes are known to be cancer causing and drugs are illegal, but teens of today are finding new ways to circumvent both the unhealthy and unacceptable with the use of hookah pens.
Why are teens drawn to hookah pens?
Hookah pens are marketed as being nicotine free if desired (unlike cigarettes and e-cigarettes) as well as tobacco and tar free. In other words, they are being marketed as safe. They are sold with different "juices" touted as containing only propylene glycol, glycerin, flavoring, and water; or the same ingredients that are in your salad dressings and shampoos. Flavors are tempting and seductive: cotton candy, mountain dew, sensual vanilla, chocolate candy bar, jungle juice, mocha latte, energy, and bubble gum among others. The pens are cheap, disposable, and don't need to be cleaned or maintained. Youtube videos show people doing tricks with the vapor created by heating, inhaling, then exhaling the pen juice in the vaporized form. Companies that produce hookah pens have come up with savvy slogans and terms such as "live loud, make clouds," "make your own smoke art," "fresh, outdoor clouds," "sun filled clouds," "airbending," and "vape towers."
Are hookah pens safe?
The perception is that they are much safer than cigarettes and even risk-free due to the seemingly innocuous ingredients in them. They are being aggressively marketed this way as well. However, questions abound and they are not even recommended for smoking cessation purposes. Jon Ebbert, MD, Assistant Director of the Mayo Clinic's Nicotine Dependence Center, told Science Daily, "...vaping creates a vapor cloud that resembles cigarette smoke. As of right now, there is no long-term safety data showing the impact of repeated inhalation of propylene glycol or glycerin on lung tissue."
Propylene glycol and glycerin, while common and shown to be safe in foods and beauty supplies, have not been extensively studied in humans in their inhaled forms. Hookah pens haven't been around long enough to be scientifically studied and they are essentially unregulated. Most pens are manufactured in China and there is limited quality control. Recourse (such as suing a company) would likely be limited if they are found to put your health at risk. Companies cite "a study" on their websites that showed that hookah pens were safe but the study has no citation, likely because the study was not published and/or publishable.
Is vaping addictive?
Nicotine-free hookah pens aren't likely to be addictive, but may be habit forming. According to a New York Times article published this past March, "...health officials worry that...[it]will lead to increased nicotine use and, possibly, prompt some people to graduate to cigarettes". Is the hookah pen industry eluding lawmakers by promoting their nicotine-free hookah pens to teenagers with the thought that young "vapers" will eventually graduate to the more addictive nicotine-laced hookah pen juice? There is also a legitimate concern that refillable vape pens can be used to surreptitiously smoke more dangerous products with no incriminating odor.
Can you purchase them legally if you're below 18 years of age? How are they purchased?
That depends on where you try to purchase them. Hookah pens are often labeled as nicotine-free and tobacco-free and they are relatively new to the marketplace. It is unclear whether they are safe or dangerous. Therefore, many states and counties do not yet have laws around the sale and use of these devices. It is unclear whether your child would be sold a hookah pen at a store. One thing is clear, however. The hookah pen business on the internet is booming and it is very easy to purchase them online with discounts offered for bulk purchases. They're cheap- between $6-10 for the disposable pens and $20 and up for the non-disposable ones. Of note, one of the larger hookah pen manufacturers and distributors just received financing to the tune of $4.7 million in order to expand its presence across the United States.
With funding like this and investors and celebrities picking up on the trend, expect that hookah pen use will only be increasing in our schools and in our area.
Have you heard of hookah pen use in Scarsdale? Share your thoughts below!
