Board Answers Questions About Language Instruction, Literacy Initiatives, Professional Development and More
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- Written by: Melissa Hellman
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The Board responded to community concerns about changes to the curriculum and budgeting decisions at a March 2, 2015 budget study meeting. Parents requested that Mandarin be added to the Middle School curriculum and others questioned the decision to delay Spanish instruction until second grade. There were also questions about the budget for professional development and staffing changes. Shortly before the meeting, the District Administration posted a detailed FAQ on the Scarsdale Schools website to address these questions.The meeting was used to summarize and highlight portions of the document that includes detailed responses to the issue of adding Mandarin to the middle school curriculum, additions and changes to the literacy initiatives in the early grades, professional development and other items. Community members are urged to read the document and present questions to the Board for response and discussion.
The public comments portion of the meeting included several additional statements of support for Mandarin instruction. Board of Education President Mary Beth Gose assured the audience this request has been heard and it will be seriously studied for the 2016-2017 school year as described in the document below. Also, Fox Meadow PTA President Margot Milberg expressed her concern again about the proposed reduction in front office staff at the school and did not feel the Administration adequately answered why a position is being cut there.
The next meeting to discuss the budget is scheduled for March 11 at 8:15pm (following a joint Board of Education/Village Board meeting), which is expected to focus on financial issues. Following that is a meeting on March 18 at 6:30pm. The Board stressed that they welcome feedback and questions and will continue to listen and respond until the final budget proposal date of April 20, 2015. All meetings will be televised and available on Video-on-Demand.
20152016 Scarsdale Budget Q's & A's from the Community
Q: Will Scarsdale be offering Middle School Mandarin 20152016?
A: To begin, let's review High School data:
For background, we have been offering Mandarin at the High School since 201112, so we are currently in our fourth year. Here is the enrollment information for the 20142015 school year:
Mandarin 313, section 1: 13 students. There are no native or heritage speakers. Mandarin 313, section 2: 14 students. There are two heritage speakers. Mandarin 323, (one section): 11 students. There are two heritage speakers. Mandarin 334, (one section): 10 students.
Mandarin 343/344, (one section): 11 students. One student is a heritage speaker.
Mandarin 355, (one section): 9 students. In this firsttime AT Mandarin course, there are two native speakers and two heritage speakers.
Grand totals: Of the 68 students, there are seven heritage speakers and two native speakers.
The enrollment of firstyear Mandarin students is as follows:
20112012, 50 students (open to all students in grades 912) [2%*/14%**] 20122013, 18 students [5%*, 11%**]
20132014, 16 students [6.25%*, 18%**]
20142015, 27 students [pending]
* Drop rate during the course.
** Discontinue rate at the end of the year (does not include graduates).
As you can see, our Mandarin students currently make up less than 5% of students enrolled in a World Language. This compares to 59.5% in Spanish, 21.6% in French, and 2.6% in Latin.
Current Middle School Practices:
The Middle School offers students a choice of Spanish or French. Once students choose a language in grade six, they study that language for all three years. At the sixth grade level, World Language classes are taught one period every other day,alternating with reading. In grades 7 and 8, World Language classes are taught one period each day.Each of the four Middle School houses have three sections of Spanish and one section of French.
When students enter the High School, they have several choices:
● Students may choose to continue with the language they were studying at the Middle School at either Level 2, Level 2 Honors, or Level 3;
● Students may choose a different language to study: French, Spanish, Latin, or Mandarin;
or
● Students may choose to study two languages; either two different languages from the one they studied at Middle School, or continue with the same language and add a new one.
Moving forward: We have a plan to consider the addition of Mandarin to the Middle School curriculum in 20162017 that includes the following:
● We will review current World Language offerings, the Middle School schedule, and staffing requirements.
● We will survey students and parents for interest, clearly conveying that:
- A minimum of 60 students per grade is needed to offer Mandarin at the Middle School in order to staff and schedule effectively.
- Students must continue the study of the chosen World Language for all three Middle School years.
- World Language classes will not be leveled to accommodate incoming students with prior learning in a particular language.
● We will set a timeline to gather and analyze data.
● We will meet with principals, department chairs, teachers and other administrators to gather further feedback and weigh options.
This comprehensive and collaborative process is necessary for proper implementation, and thus precludes implementation of Mandarin for the 20152016 school year.
Q: What is the rationale for the proposed addition of elementary Reading Teachers and elimination of Spanish in first grade?
A: For the past several years the Assistant Superintendent for Instruction and the Elementary Principals have been discussing how to support primary students (Grades K and 1) in their literacy development in both reading and writing. The following issues were identified:
● Time for literacy instruction during a comparatively short elementary teaching day.
● Consistent approachin literacy implementation across all grades and schools.
● Professional Developmentneeds of teachers in specific strategies to help all readers grow and develop, particularly non-classified struggling readers.
● Reading Teacherswill be added to support general education students in reading and writing, especially in the early grades Kindergarten and 1st.
Proposal: The focus of this proposal is not to address a deficit, but to make sure students are gaining the strong fundamental skills that will allow them to engage in what is a very rigorous Scarsdale curriculum. It is imperative that students receive support early on to help maximize their potential later.
Time: Provide more time for literacy learning in grade 1 by phasing out Spanish in Grade 1 in 20152016:
● Grade 1 will gain an additional 80 minutes of literacy instruction.
● Current first graders would continue Spanish in Grade 2 in 20152016.
● Spanish would start in grade 2 thereafter.
Consistent Approach and Professional Development:
● Provide professional development in literacy instruction for teachers that is consistent across the five schools (Teachers College Reading and Writing Project).
● Restore the ELA Helping Teacher position to support teachers in literacy, to coordinate a consistent K5 Literacy Program, and to create and lead data teams to analyze student achievement data.
Reading Teachers:
● The addition of reading teachers in each elementary school will support students in reading and writing.
● Reading teachers will provide additional time for Learning Resource Center teachers to serve classified students, who require ongoing intensive support in reading and other areas.
Q: About what percentage of non-classified K3 elementary students do you anticipate will require extra support in order to achieve faster progression in reading?
A: The proposal to add reading teachers will address students who show early signs of difficulty. The goal of early intervention is to lessen the need for support as students reach the later elementary grades. It is reasonable to estimate that in any given year 610% of students, or one to two students per section in the primary grades, would benefit from the extra support of a reading teacher. It is important to understand that this is not a remediation of students with extreme difficulties, but an effort to maximize fundamental literacy development for students who may find the acquisition of reading skills more challenging. At the same time reading teachers will extend the learning for all students.
Q: Can you explain the proposed change in reading support, along with the new statemandated Response to Intervention (RTI) program, in the context of Scarsdale's overall approach to the development of our youngest learners? For example, is the balance of direct instruction versus handson, experiential, inquirybased learning now shifting?
A: Literacy learning has been and continues to be the centerpiece of elementary education in Scarsdale. Without the ability to read well, students are challenged to absorb our deep, rich Scarsdale curriculum. We continue our firm commitment to support all of the unique programs that make Scarsdale...Scarsdale.
Our developmental approach in educating our youngest learners is unwavering. At the same time this budget proposal provides more targeted support for learners in the early grades, a need that has gone unmet for the past six budget years. Since 2008, the Assistant Superintendent for Instruction and the Elementary Principals have requested an increase in Learning Resource Center (LRC) teachers to support nonclassified struggling readers.
● The first priority of LRC teachers is to support the needs of classified students as identified on their IEPs.
● As a second priority, LRC teachers support students in grades 4 and 5 who are not classified, but did not score proficient on state tests and qualify for "local effort".
● As a third priority, depending on LRC teacher availability (which varies by school), support is given to struggling students in grades K3.
● LRC teachers do not have adequate time to meet the needs of all.
These requests preceded the State raising the cut scores on NYS tests; the focus all along has been on strengthening student literacy learning by frontloading targeted intervention to struggling students in the earliest grades in order to address reading issues sooner rather than later, when such issues may be more difficult to resolve. Research shows that direct reading instruction by a skilled reading teacher gets results in students learning the fundamentals that are so important, such as phonics.
Due to the recent recession and related school budget concerns, additional LRC staffing was not provided, and was not even included in the superintendent's proposed budget requests.
Response to Intervention (RTI), now a state mandate, formalizes a process that had been in place in Scarsdale for many years. While our RTI implementation has been widely discussed and publicized, it does not signal a shift in direction in our educational philosophy.
Q: Why is elementary Spanish instruction (FLES) set to begin now in second grade rather than first grade, as there was a study presented to the BOE that showed that FLES was working for upper grades?
A: Delaying the start of Spanish instruction until second grade is a difficult decision, but given the short elementary day, it is a way to provide more time for literacy instruction in first grade while still preserving the FLES program as a whole.
Q: What is included in the proposed staff development budget?
A: There are several categories:
Program Improvement $389,099
Arts and Aesthetic Education $84,633
Interdependence Institute $26,936
Scarsdale Teachers Institute $297,340
Center for Innovation $50,000
Sustainability Initiative $50,000
Curriculum Research/Assessment $50,600
Professional Development $275,410
● Teacher Grants$125,410
-This allocation, which is distributed through small grants to individual teachers,
was negotiated through the STA/BOE collective bargaining process. ● Enhancing Instruction $150,000
-The $87,000 increase in this line will fund staff developers from the Teachers College Reading and Writing Project to provide a consistent approach to literacy instruction in all five elementary schools.
Q: About what percentage of the increase in the staff development budget represents real growth in opportunities for professional development, as opposed to increases in salary related costs? Is professional development in all categories keeping pace with teacher demand?
A: Three categories represent real growth:
● Enhancing Instruction. The $87,000 increase in this line will fund staff developers from the Teachers College Reading and Writing Project to provide a consistent approach to literacy instruction in all five elementary schools. This represents a nonsalary related increase.
● Program Improvement. The $35,000 increase represents $8,000 in salaryrelated costs (per diem summer work costs) and $27,000 in expanded opportunities for summer days (75 additional days teachers work on curriculum revisions, K12). This represents real growth of approximately 10%.
● STI (Scarsdale Teachers Institute). The $26,000 increase is contractuallybased on the collective bargaining process. This represents a 9.5% growth over last year.
Q: In order for the broader community to fully understand the available choices and what is at stake for our schools in this budget process, have you identified any educational needs that are not being addressed in this proposal? Have recently identified needs changed, or is addressing them being deferred? (In the last two budget cycles, the Administration expressed a need for various enhancements that did not end up in the school budget, such as, for example, restored Middle School library staffing, Middle School Mandarin instruction, and a High School Computer teacher and Robotics teacher.) Also, do shifts in staffing in the proposed budget require any compromises to the quality of existing programs and/or services that the community should understand in order make informed choices this budget season?
A: As was mentioned in the Superintendent's letter prefacing this year's budget, the approach that was utilized this year was to meet with districtwide leadership to determine needs based on current work, goals and initiatives. School administration feels that we have adequately addressed all major needs and succeeded in enhancing instructional and other programming. There are certainly other considerations which are not represented in this budget, but there was a deliberate attempt to focus our work with targeted outcomes and strategies, and we will continue to prioritize our needs each year to reflect emerging and evolving needs of our students, families, and schools.
After six years of budget retrenchment, we are fortunate this year to strike a comfortable balance between our resources and needs, while preserving and extending the educational programs we value. We believe the quality of proposal represented in this budget will only continue to move our District forward on its current positive trajectory.
Financial and Other Staffing Questions
Q: From the Bond process last year the community got a clearer idea about how we have invested, or not invested, in our buildings, and what we need to do going forward. In order for the community to gain a similar understanding of our investment in the area of educational programs/services and professional development, can you tell us what this proposed budget does in terms of new educational programs or services, as well as real growth in opportunities for professional development (as opposed to salary related cost growth)? And would it be possible to gain some historical perspective from seeing the growth in our investment in these areas over time – including before and after the Recession?
A: The first question is addressed in several of the questions above. In terms of the second question, professional development in Scarsdale is complex and multifaceted. In terms of direct impact on District initiatives, we have identified the following four areas on which to focus to evaluate growth in our investment: summer curriculum improvement, Center for Innovation, Interdependence Institute, and other professional development. It should be noted that the budget document contains other areas of development as well; however, the categories identified here are most representative of District priorities.

What this chart demonstrates is that efforts in 2007 to 2009 to provide additional funding in teacher development were derailed by the Great Recession. Spending in the five years following 2008 show relatively small increases and, in fact, two years of decreases. (Exception: in 201213, the double digit spike is attributed to the development and funding of the Center for Innovationwith a price tag of $100,000.) The proposed 20152016 budget is the first material increase other than 20122013 that represents an investment in human capital and development. As many who follow District progress know, there have been several significant curricular and programmatic initiatives that require intensive training for teachers and other staff members. Some of these include the following: Singapore Math, global connections and World Languages, balanced literacy, and technology and STE[A]M.
This budget recognizes that continued progress is predicated on the investment we put into our teachers to ensure consistency and alignment between practice and our evolving District goals.
Q: Does the fact of the current budget proposal falling nearly $400K below the tax cap have implications for future budgets that, perhaps, will make it more challenging to invest in new educational programs and/or services?
A: Many people would say that you shouldn't tax your citizens if you don't need the money to support your programs. Others would say that any district budgeting below the Tax Cap is a missed opportunity to build the budget base for the future.
With the exception of the second budget in 2013 (subsequent to the defeat of the first) the District has not budgeted "to the cap." We have operated by identifying the program needs, and asked the community to support appropriate funding. The issue of building the tax base has not been presented as a goal; however, it is certainly something to consider strategically.
Previous Boards of Education have been clear about not wishing to budget "to the cap," and it seems to the administration that this argument cuts both ways. If it's not acceptable to eliminate programs to get to the tax cap, then why would you tax up to the tax cap, even if it's unnecessary? With one notable exception, this community has a long history of supporting its schools and the budget. At some point we may need to budget above the tax cap and we have felt it is easier to sell that if you can also argue that you have budgeted below the cap in the years it was not needed.
Q: Understanding that current budget assumptions are a snapshot and could change materially, could you nonetheless provide us with historical perspective on this year's projected numbers, and on this year's large unplanned budget surplus in particular? For example, can you tell us the last year the District began the budget season in a comparable financial position?
A: Historically, this year is not unusual. The current year projection has provided approximately $2.6MM more in surplus than was originally included in the 201415 budget. This has arisen because of a significantly larger than anticipated teacher retirement savings, as well as changes in pension estimates. Looking back at the last six years, we see that we ended the 201314 with a surplus of $2.2MM more than planned, while we ended the 201213 year with a surplus of only $60,000 more than planned. The previous five years 200708 thru 201112 all ended the year with between $3.1MM and $3.7MM more than planned, primarily because of positive claims experience with the District's selfinsured health plan, which is difficult to predict accurately, and unanticipated turnover savings from retirements.
Q: At the 1/12 Board Work Session there was some reflection regarding past decisions to take on greater financial risk by reducing various budget reserves in order to limit tax levy growth. It was then noted, "We've been lucky." How would you characterize this proposed budget in terms of tolerance of financial risk? And what key examples illustrate this?
A: The 201516 budget makes strategic adjustments which address every one of the specific financial risks that were detailed in the Moody's rating warning issued in May 2014 and received just days after the approval of the 201415 budget. We will be issuing bonds in the next several years, meaning that we would like to reflect as little financial risk as possible. The structural budget changes of reducing the fund balance appropriation for future budgets ("prior year surplus") from as high of $6.8MM in 201112 to $3.8MM in 2014/15 to $500,000 in 201516 is a prime example of reducing financial risk. This, coupled with the reestablishment of the health care reserve and the elimination of a budgeted operating surplus, makes the 201516 budget the first that will be structurally balanced in many years. These steps will very likely remove the negative outlook from Moody's.
Q: As you crafted this proposed budget, what metrics did you use – and do you normally use to determine the community's financial health?
A: We use several different metrics to assess the community's financial health. First, we review Median Household Income ($208,750, 2010)and Per Capita Income ($100, 428, 2010)statistical trends, placing Scarsdale at the top of Westchester County (MHI,$79,585, 2010; PCI,$47,204, 2010). Another metric is the STAR (School Tax Relief) data, which tells us that approximately 55% of District residents earn below $500,000, while 45% earn more than $500,000. We also analyze the real property taxbase growth factor, which is the increase in value of real property in the community during a specific time period. Over the last three years, the average growth in real property value has been 1.2% each year.
Q: There is a reduction in physical education. .8 Secretary/.1 PE. Fox Meadow largest of the schools. Can you explain this?
A: The reduction in physical education staff at Fox Meadow is directly attributable to the reduction in the number of class sections in the building. No students will receive less instruction in PE as a result of this reduction.
There have been several cuts to administrative staff positions in recent budgets, and more are proposed in this budget. None of them are palatable, and may have an impact on our ability to deliver services down the road. The parttime secretarial position at Fox Meadow, however, will not end up being a significant reduction. I believe the intention is to provide additional office assistance for the school using a parttime aide, so the actual reduction in staff time will be more insignificant than it appears.
Q: Village Finance hearings have included $50k for a comfort station at the tennis courts. Hope you will put it in.
A: The Assistant Superintendent for Business has discussed this item with the Village administration and supports the plan as it was recently proposed by them. The Village will manage the construction and provide the cleaning and maintenance of the facility. It would provide a costeffective benefit to both Middle School students who take gym on the courts or the field, as the lower entrance to the building is locked during the day, and to the community at large, who uses the courts after school and on weekends. The proposal, however, will be to use funds from this year's budget surplus to pay for the construction, rather than request a budget appropriation for 201516. The question is still under deliberation.
Q: Why are we not adding $22,500 to the amount to the Teen Center to match the original amount?
A: The funding for the Teen Center is proposed at the same level as last year.
Q : Looking through Westchester Putnam SBA, our reserves very low in comparison. Can you explain why?
A: It's not surprising to hear that other districts have higher reserves than we do. In particular, other districts have a much higher need for tax certiorari reserves. Scarsdale's tax roll is mostly composed of residential properties, These tend to produce fewer tax challenges than commercial properties. Districts with large amounts of commercial property within their borders will need larger tax certiorari reserves; these may be as much as 10% of a district's budget. Although we do not base our reserves on what other districts are doing, by comparison, Scarsdale's tax certiorari reserve is projected to be approximately 2.4% of the budget at the end of the year.
The District has an additional risk factor that other districts don't have, however, and that may affect its financial health: the selfinsured health plan. Although the plan has literally saved millions of taxpayer dollars since inception, its potential volatility dictates the need for a reserve. Such a reserve was maintained until June 30, 2014, when it was depleted after having been found to be out of compliance with recent interpretations of state law. Scarsdale's health care reserve was recently reauthorized, but at the moment, is not funded. This financial plan proposes funding it at a $2.25MM level as of June 30, 2015 as a guard against future plan deficits. At that level, the health insurance reserve represents only 1.5% of its budget.
Construction Kids Comes to Heathcote
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- Written by: Joanne Wallenstein
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Whether you call it design thinking or woodshop, fifth graders at Heathcote learned to use tools, design and build at special workshops led by Construction Kids on Tuesday February 24. The school held three 90-minute sessions – one for each fifth grade class – where the kids learned how to use a hammer and nails and construction materials to design a project.
The workshops were led by Construction Kids, design thinkers from Brooklyn, who conduct sessions in schools, host parties and lead activities at their own facilities in the Brooklyn Navy Yard. Kids experiment with materials and learn to safely use tools to plan, design, build and repair.
The workshops at Heathcote first focused on using hammers and nails and then moved onto the creation of marble runs.
Both boys and girls were banging away with the hammers and happy as could be. I heard one enthusiastic young lady say, "This is so fun!". Another thought she might be able to help out at home with a flood caused by frozen pipes and a table of girls agreed that girls are "strong and brave" and just as good with a hammer as the boys.
The activity was arranged by fifth grade teacher Christine Boyer who said that her class followed up the Construction Kids session by blogging about it online and including links to another design-thinking project they recently completed where they built Rube Goldberg projects.
Parents Outraged Over Handling of Sexting Incident at SHS
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- Written by: Joanne Wallenstein
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A representative of a parenting group of high schoolers called Scarsdale10583 to express outrage that Scarsdale High School had not taken action in a case involving "sexting." According to parents, a few weeks ago a tenth grade boy at SHS took a video of a sexual act involving himself and a ninth grade girl. Afterwards, he circulated the video – but it was not clear how widely it was disseminated.
When the parents of the girl learned what had happened they were advised to go to the police --which they did. They were given the option of pressing charges against the boy but opted not to do so. Police were told that only a few others had seen the video and they called the recipients and asked them to delete it after they confirmed that it had not been shared further.
According to the ACLU, sexting is a felony, so there could have been major legal consequences if charges were pressed. Here's what they explain.
"Child pornography laws, originally designed to protect children against adult predators, inadvertently criminalize both consensual and non-consensual sexting where the person in the photo is under 18. The penalties are draconian. Under current Washington law, even any minor involved simply in consensual sexting with a person his or her own age faces felony charges, up to five years in prison, and mandatory sex offender registration."
The parents at the parenting group were angry that the boy suffered no consequences. Where is the school's Code of Conduct, they asked? According to a member of the group, the student plays on a sports team and was not suspended from playing, though other athletes have been suspended from teams for far more trivial offenses.
Why, they wondered, would there be stiffer penalties for missing practice than for circulating a pornographic video of a schoolmate? And what message was the lack of punishment sending to students about how to treat girls?
We called Scarsdale Schools Superintendent Thomas Hagerman for an explanation and here is what he shared:
Yes there is a Code of Conduct, but it only governs what happens on the school campus or at school sanctioned events. For incidents that occur off campus, parents are in charge and should turn to the police if laws have been broken. Though the school will cooperate with the police, they can't enforce behavior or punish students for actions that occur beyond the school's jurisdiction unless it involves a sanctioned team or club activity.
Hagerman did speak to Principal Kenneth Bonamo who confirmed that the incident occurred and said that from what he knew the video had not been widely distributed and that the two people who had seen it had not distributed it. However parents say that many students in the school are aware of the identities of those who were involved, damaging their reputations.
Hagerman said that youth outreach workers from Scarsdale & Edgemont Family Counseling are on site at the school and are trained to discuss these types of issues with students. They will do so when appropriate.
Raising Self-Directed Teens
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- Written by: Rand J. Gruen
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Adolescence is a complicated, rewarding, and challenging time for both parents and teens. As a parent, you go about your day-to-day, and at some point, suddenly recognize that your child is different – they are growing up physically, they take on distinctive mannerisms, and they talk about the world and their friends in a different, more adult-like way... and hopefully, we begin to see some of the traits that we value and have tried to instill in them as people.
As Director of Westchester CAPS (Westchester Child and Adolescent Psychological Services, PLLC), I see lots of teenagers and families. If I step back and ask myself 'what are the most important traits parents want to see develop in their children?' I would say that the ability to be 'self-directed' and 'accountable' – i.e. the ability to set goals, create a plan to achieve those goals, take ownership of the process, and follow through – are at the top of the list.
Why is this important?
Initiative, the ability to define a direction consistent with one's goals, and the capacity to organize oneself breeds success. Once our children leave home and/or enter college, we are no longer there to provide them with ongoing direction and immediate feedback. Unless they have internalized these skills and abilities, there is a risk they will flounder, get lost, or make the wrong decisions.
The challenge.
Some kids are self-directed from an early age. But many are not. If they are not, we need to teach them these qualities. Teens often have difficulty doing their homework, studying for tests ahead of time, taking the initiative to get summer jobs, etc. The college application process presents a series of hurdles. Our kids have to identify what college they want to go to, study for entrance exams (the SAT or ACT), request application materials, complete essays, file applications on time, set up interviews...the list goes on an on. Once our kids are in college, they have to decide on a major, keep up with assignments, do well in their classes, meet the right people, identify job opportunities, apply to jobs or graduate school, etc. This is a long list and a tall order.
Where do we get stuck: A case in point.
The day before I sat down to write this article, I was talking with a mom in our practice who has a 14-year old son. She relayed the following: "I don't know what to do with my son anymore. I would like him to do his homework when he comes home (from school), but he has never been disciplined in that way. At some point after dinner, I go upstairs and ask him how he is doing with his homework. His response is "I'm going to start it in a minute". Over time, I have learned that a minute could mean anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours. I return in 30 minutes to ask him how he is doing. His response is 'Mom, stop nagging me, I'll get it done'. I know that if I go in again we're going to get into an argument, but if I don't, he won't start his homework until later when he is too tired to learn anything. He gets decent grades, but I know he is capable of more. So I'm stuck."
In this family, mom and teen are indeed stuck. Mom has taken on the role of the enforcer - the policewomen. The minute you get yourself into this role, it's game over. Because children see you as the enforcer and the driver of responsible behavior they abdicate responsibility for things they should do and get angry at you for trying to make them do what they should be doing. In this type of situation, the very things parents are doing to fix the problem make the problem worse.
The trick in parenting teens.
The trick in parenting teens is that when children enter adolescence, you have to shift your mindset about what your child needs from you. Simply put: young children want to be told what to do. They ask questions like "when should I do my homework"; "how do I do this [math] problem"; can you help me write my essay; I don't know how to do it".
Teens want to figure out what to do on their own without being told what to do. They want to decide on their own when to do their homework, they want to pick their own friends, and they want to decide how to spend their time on the weekend.
When a child enters adolescence, a child's needs change, and we, as parents, need to change along with them. If we don't, we get stuck.
What causes this shift?
The primary developmental tasks for younger children and teenagers are very different. Younger children need to learn rules and facts. The simplest way for them to learn this is to ask someone who knows the answers. Typically, that's us. The focus in the teenage years shifts from learning rules and facts about the external world to learning about oneself - how we fit into groups, what we aspire to, what we want to do with our lives. This can't be taught by parents - we can advise, but we can't tell our child who they are as people. They need to figure out the answers to this on their own.
Another developmental task for teens is to become more independent in preparation for moving out of the house and living on their own. This requires that we allow our teenage children to make more and more decisions on their own. If we don't allow them make their own decisions (when appropriate), power struggles develop.
What do we need to do differently?
The developmental shifts that occur in our children necessitate a fundamental shift in how we operate as parents. We need to shift from telling our children what to do, to asking them what they think they should do. (Obviously there are times when we need to tell our children what to do and say "no", but the frequency with which this occurs should decrease as they get older.)
As parents of teens, one of our primary goals is to enable our children to make the right decisions on their own. The best way to do this is to learn to ask the right questions rather than to tell children what to do. For example, our teen may ask if he can go out to the movies on a school night. Option A is to say "no, that's ridiculous. How are you ever going to get up tomorrow?" This makes the child feel stupid and embarrassed for asking, and angry at the parent who said 'NO'. Option B would be to say: "What do you think? You have a test tomorrow and need to get up early. Do you think it's a good idea to go to the movies? What about going on the weekend instead?" If the child continues to insist they should be allowed to go, we can then use our parental authority and say no, but we want them to begin to use their own logic to sift through problems.
By asking the right questions we force our children to think for themselves. We force them to think about the pros and cons of a situation and what the consequences will be if they make one decision versus another. And this is exactly what we want them to do on their own when they move out into the world.
Parents mistakenly think that if they tell their kids what to do, their kids will adopt these positions and use them when they're out in the world – i.e. in college. This is often not the case. At the most fundamental level, teens often do not need answers to questions; they need to ask themselves what they think they should do. They need to have a mental process in place to sift through options and come up with the right solutions. This takes practice. If we enable this, they can utilize this skill for the rest of their lives.
What are we shooting for in our relationship with our teenage kids?
Ideally, we want to be seen as trusted advisers to our children. We have more experience than they do and we can impart some of this to them. We want them to learn to think through problems on their own, but we also want them to come to us when they don't know the answers and ask for our help. And more importantly, when we give them advice, we want them to listen.
If we are locked in a power struggle with our kids, if they feel like we are trying to control them and make decisions for them, this won't happen. At the end of the day, we become disabled in terms of our ability to foster a sense of self-direction and accountability in our children. They will not come to us for advice and we will not be able to help them course correct when they are headed down the wrong road. This is an enormous loss for a child and it can be avoided.
Rand J. Gruen Ph.D. is the Executive Director of Westchester CAPS, an interdisciplinary, outpatient mental health center providing individual therapy to children, adolescents, and adults; couple and family therapy; neuropsychological assessment; medication management, and tutoring. Dr. Gruen received his B.A., M.A. and Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of California, Berkeley. He was formerly a fellow at Yale University School of Medicine and an Assistant Professor in Psychiatry at New York University Medical Center.
Snowman Contest!
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- Written by: Joanne Wallenstein
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Just in time: The Scarsdale Recreation Department has announced their annual snowman contest! You can use the record snowfall from Winter Storm Juno to get out of the house and be creative.
Here's how it works:
- Build a snowman, snow-woman or snow animal on your own property. Use props, costumes and accessories to dress up your guy.
- Your creation must be freestanding.
- When you complete it, take a photo of it – family members can be included.
- Send the photo with your family name and address to the recreation department at recreation@scarsdale.com.
- Judging will take place on Friday January 30. A judge may even visit your home to get a closer look.
- Winners will be posted on the Village website and notified via email by Monday Febraury 2.
So don't just look out the window – go out and make a snowman.
